Less than a year, update

I noticed that I posted an update just more than a year ago. In the months since my last update my life has spun in nightmare circles.  I've become so scattered in my thinking that I have to work every minute to stay mindful. I often can't put a thought together or find even the basic things.  And it's tiresome.

My relationship with my sister has been a struggle.  We agree we need and love each other even when we don't like each other.  She's working at not attacking me over her frustrations with the world.  We both know that we have to take care of ourselves, before we can help each other.  We do what we can, with caution.

A dear, dear friend loaned me $ for a car and that allowed me to have a life, again.  I moved out of the motel to save $.  I've lived out of the car, and at 3 different locations since I last wrote.  The economy is such that all that I can find to rent, within my income, would be a stripped down, moldy, dirty trailer in a crowded community for $400.

The last location, and where I still am at the moment, is a large building right off the highway that had been vacant the last 2 1/2 years.  I paid $1,000 to move in that first month.  It was slow going because I was supposed to have room-mates that didn't work out.  And I was still looking for work, every day, and meeting frequently with my counselors at Vocational Rehabilitation.  The landlord and I appeared to have an understanding.  It was better to have the building occupied and I was paying utilities.   

I wasn't having any success finding work so I started opening SEASCAT's thrift store with regular hours.  The result was that we were connecting to the community.  I still hadn't found any speaking engagements, but I gave my "talk" to everyone who came in the door.  People wished us well and they listened to my "talk".  We had regular customers who weren't just looking for junk.  And we had donations, really nice donations.  That lasted a few weeks before the landlord said I had to move myself and everything out.  He took offense at a letter to the editor that I'd written.  And he didn't like that I was putting all SEASCAT's income into making repairs to the building.  Repairs, I might add, that should have been done before I moved in.  He has not understood the point of a "non"- profit.   

I'm still sleeping there, but haven't opened the thrift store since he said I had to move out.  It's been getting cold and I didn't not invest in additional heat.  He said he'd be turning off the water and draining the pipes before it became freezing.  I expected the water to be shut off several days ago when the temperature dropped to 31F.  But it wasn't.  I leave the bathroom sink dripping.

So- now I'm looking for another non-profit to take everything.... I think.  Since I don't know where I'm going or what I'm going to do, I can't seem to pack.  It's a hard decision.  If I rent storage, I could save my personal possessions.  I could even save a few things belonging to SEASCAT, ie. office equipment and small things that are worth $.  But if I pay rent, I won't save anything.  If I get rid of everything I'll never be able to replace it.

I am about to lose everything!  And I may still freeze to death.  

(My board member and friend, Sally, says I can sleep in her spare room.  But that is where her kids and grandkids stay when they come to town.  It would be one night at a time.)

And the landlord has not been over since.  I expect he will be, soon.