Happy Father's Day
This is my father. He is one of the biggest reasons I can't give up the idea of reincarnation. :) Bet you didn't see that coming, not those of you who know me and have heard me talk about being a survivor of child abuse. I can explain.
The first time that I really took time to read about numerology, and actually do the numbers on a few people I knew well it all made sense. My sister and I are both nines, we've had 8 lives before this and with each one we learned more. By the ninth life, we're given the greatest challenges. Life is very tough for those of us who are nines. Our mother was a malignant narcissist who was surprised to see her daughters by her side when she was dying. She apologized for being a bad mother and we readily let go of - not forgot, mind you- but let go of her treatment of us. But our father? He was a dilemma.
He didn't talk, at least not to me. But he was always very serious about his role as bread winner. He worked extremely hard all his life and died young because of working with asbestos. He never complained, ever! Not that anything was ever free. As soon as I was able to get my driver's license, I was required to get a job, pay rent and my personal expenses. I was provided the use of the oldest car. We had three. The family car, Dad's work car, and the extra car which was my Dad's old work car. I paid all of the expenses for it, and Dad did all the work on it, giving me the bill. He admitted that he survived the depression, and if he had to he'd create a depression so I could learn hard work. But he never let me succeed. Anytime, anything went wrong in my life he came to my rescue. And when he got me home, whether I wanted to be there or not, he gave me the bill. From that I learned that I was a failure at everything! Deep down I knew that I wasn't. I would have come through it, and I would have felt good for doing so! But I never felt good. Yet, look at the man in these pictures. You can't see a man who would ever set out to hurt his child. And that is explained in his numerology. My father was a "one". He was a brand new soul. He sought very hard to be what he thought people wanted him to be. He was responsible, hard-working, honest... But he never thought much of himself. He worked in Palm Beach most of the time. He did the fancy mold work on the mansions and places like the Flagler Museum. He was an artist and highly respected as such. But he talked about the people who lived in Palm Beach like they were Gods and he was their humble servant. He ran the volunteeer fire department throughout our childhood until it was all paid fire-fighters and then he ran Bingo. He was a Mason and a fire marshall and he lied about his age to go to war, except the war was over and he was only there for clean-up. He said he saw children eating out of trash cans in Europe and so we'd better clean our plates. I don't know how much it helped those children, but I do know I was a fat child because of it. He didn't value education, after all he never graduated high school. But he read National Geographics cover to cover as soon as they came in, and he read, also cover to cover, the entire set of encyclopedias that he bought when I started going to first grade. When I was first went to college, he was able to tell me the answers to my physics homework, he just couldn't explain how he got them. And no, his only contribution to my college education was letting me slide on the rent when I was in school full time.
When my Dad died they had to delay his funeral ceremony to put up speakers in the parking lot for the people who couldn't fit in the building. My father can't be in heaven for all his good works, nor could I believe he's in hell for the beatings he gave me for some punishment I didn't understand or the times he knocked my head up against the wall in a fit of temper I didn't see coming in time. He has been born again, and is a child somewhere, learning a little more about life by living his second time around.
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