I watched this video by Ross Rosenberg the other night. He often seems to write about Co-Dependent people's attraction towards Narcissists, and on that I'm not sure that I don't just disagree. I know myself, as a person with co-dependency has never been attracted to a narcissist... certainly not for very long. I have had no problem at all, separating myself from someone that tries to control me- except the mother who raised me. But then, maybe it's a sign of my recovery? Who knows. At one time, I tended to find people who need fixing. And I have lost myself in trying to cure them. That was far recovery, about as far as I could get from any recovery when I did that.
In case you haven't learned it, yet, it is essential to take care of yourself before you even think about trying to care for another person. I learned that with my mother and more recently I had to learn it with my sister. I can think of two guys I dated that I did that with- and with them it wasn't even hard to do. With family, it's much harder.
What Ross Rosenberg also talks about in this video, that I very much agree with is the truly toxic nature of loneliness for some of us!!! I hadn't really thought about it in that way, until I watched this video. I just knew that I've been having a worse time lately with loneliness. And I now understand it. It is that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach that never goes away. It can make you do stupid things- like get on the single sites at all hours of the night... and then I chicken out of writing to any of them.
It can lead a person to further shame as one tends to think about- why am I so alone? What is so wrong with me? Am I that broken? Am I that unworthy of love and companionship???
But when I keep busy with meaningful activities, that sick feeling lessens and becomes just a minor annoyance. I know that I'm not that worthless, I just haven't found the right person and that's ok. It's their loss. I'm ok. I can tell myself that and believe it- when I've got meaningful activities that I'm involved in.
So- get out in the community and find something meaningful to get involved with right now. Whatever works for you. Find a community garden, if you have a no kill shelter for animals, go pet kitties or walk dogs, or anything that adds meaning to your life and gets you around people- especially "normal" people. Get a scrapbook, join the a club, find a class to take at the community college or local library. :)
My friend "N" happened to be in the same town as as the last guy I dated, so he felt he knew all about it. "N" texted me that that guy was a narcissist and I had a hard time breaking up with him because he was a narcissist.... Anyway- this was my reply.
Most people you meet, who ask you out- no matter where you meet them- will be narcissists simply because narcissists are very confident people and have no difficulty asking for dates. That does not mean you are attracted to them, just that they are more likely to seek a person out for a date. As soon as I realized he was a narcissist I was eager to get away. But by then I'd come to care about his children. I had to lie to his son that I was coming back or his son wouldn't have let me leave. I hate it that I had to do that, and worry that it only made his sons life more difficult to have another adult disappoint him. And I really did miss spending time with his daughter who was always the first one up in the morning taking over the bathroom to get her make-up perfect for school.
0 comments:
Post a Comment